“Hello boys!” Gymnasts get too close for comfort at the Marriot. Surfers Paradise, Queensland, Australia

This post is coming to you from the Marriot Hotel at Surfers Paradise in the state of Queensland. My wife (Engogirl the engineer) and I flew up yesterday afternoon to a conference on large Australia and New Zealand dams, that Engogirl is presenting a paper at.

The veiw from my hotel room

As part of the conference a “meet and greet” social event had been organised in the evening, complete with food, drinks and live entertainment. Unlike what some people would have you believe, engineers are a pretty civilised lot and I’ve never met a dumb one (I’m probably not smart enough to recognise a stupid engineer anyway; truth be known). Conversation in such company can range all over, from what work they are doing, through to how, learning to paint and draw can help with lateral thinking. Always erudite, quite often insightful and always (for me at least) very interesting. One of the things I really like about socialising with engineers is that they tend to be very, rational, unpretentious and down to earth.

Live music was played (covers of “Crowded House”) as we all chatted and on the nearby marked off area two small (they were about 150cm or about 5ft tall) scantily clad gymnasts did their acrobatics. Unlike many of the female gymnasts one sees in the Olympics, these gymnasts were adults in their late 20s. The women went through their routine, lifting each other up to form various shapes together, executing back flips etc. We the audience were very close (only about 2 metres or about 2 yards away) to the supple young women. Most of the engineers were much more interested in their conversations and ignored them, but some (along with me) watched. Most of us guys were about 180cm (about 6ft) tall and since we were so close to the gymnasts we were looking down at them.

Before I continue with my story of last night, I feel, for clarity’s sake, that I should offer a glossary of Aussie slang used instead of gymnastic technical terms in the following video featuring Roy and HG from the Australian TV show “The Dream” which ran during the 2000 Sydney Olympics.

Bag = scrotum

Date = anus

Flute = penis

Hello boys = upside down splits

Sav (short for Savaloy, a type of sausage similar to a hot dog) = penis

Battered Sav (same as the American “Dagwood dog”) = smashing penis into floor

[youtube XKFWE1xt_x0]

I find it a bit unsettling being so close to live performances as you can see every little detail whether you want to or not. In the case of the gymnasts, things got a bit weird when they started doing their contortions. Bending over backwards to stand on their hands and then doing the “hello boys” as we peered down their barely covered clackers.

It was just too close!

My complements to their Brazillian waxing technicians. 

Most of us just didn’t know where to look.

After all one wouldn’t want to even be seen looking.

As the gymnasts kept repeating the manoeuvre (who knows? Maybe their boyfriends had told them it was their best angle.) I began to feel more and more uncomfortable, plus I noticed that I was the only one watching. Suddenly I wished I had my camera with me so I could’ve photographed the women doing their “hello boys” as the audience had their backs turned to them.

Now, I know it’s probably churlish of me to knock a couple of women with great skill and flexibility who are just trying to make a living, but all I can say is that next time I hear that gymnasts are performing I’m going to stand back quite a bit further as some things just don’t bear up to close scrutiny.

P.S. The colour and levels of my photos will probably look a little different to what I normally put up because I’m using my wife’s laptop and the screen is very different to what I’m used to.